Quick Update

My retrieval date has moved up. Instead of going in to get my eggs sucked out Friday morning I'm going today, in about twenty minutes.

countdown

Tomorrow morning I go to get some blood work done and then to the airport. My flight leaves at 2:45pm and I'll be getting into Toronto around 8:22pm. I'm pretty happy to be leaving. Tuesday evening/morning a man knocked on my bedroom window, which is in the basement. He was masturbating and video taping me. I feel pretty fucked up about it, and I think it'll be good to get out of here for a little bit. The cops came really quickly, and they even had the helicopter flying around my neighborhood. They brought out the canine unit but couldn't find trail. They did get his DNA though since he ejaculated on my window (it's still there, the police circled it with red ink). I couldn't see his face, so all I know is that he is white, which has made me suspect of pretty much every white man I see (there are a lot of them!). This morning I was leaving the house and I saw a guy packing up his car, he had a pillow and a bag of chips like he was going on a road trip, and I was sure it was him and I couldn't look at him, and then while I was trying not to look at him I made eye contact with this guy driving by and I was sure it was him. It's so ridiculous and scary, and I am so angry. Anyway. A vacation will be good.

So many injections so little time

Yesterday I did my first injections of Menopur and Puregon. The nurses advised that I take it around nine am. The boxes of both of these injections have pretty funny (not ha ha) packaging. All the needles and Q-caps (I'll explain later) for the Menopur come in a box with a picture of a baby foot on it. Everyone knows baby feet are the cutest part! I'm being serious. Written on the box in fancy italic writing is "Sometimes achieving parenthood needs a helping hand..." Puregon has three green fuzzy silhouettes on it of a woman and a man looking down on what is probably supposed to be the top of a little kid's head.

The Puregon is easy enough to administer, It's in one of those pens and you just load the cartridge, set the dosage, and press down. It was a little too easy. I'd be worried that I'm doing it wrong, but the Puregon makes the area I inject it into burn for about ten minutes after it's been injected.

Menopur however, is a little tricky. There are many steps. Luckily it came with DVD instructions. Menopur is a powder and needs to be diluted, so I start off with two vials. One is a diluent used to dissolve the powder so that I can inject it into me. What I do is put the Q-cap on a needle. One end of the Q-cap has a part that screws onto the end of a needle, the other end has a poky part that sticks into the vial. I withdraw one cc of the diluent and then I put that into the vial with the powder, once it's dissloved I withdraw the liquid, then I take the Q-cap off and put a needle on the end of the cartridge (I think it's called?) and then inject away. The volume of liquid I'm injecting with Menopur is larger than any of my other injections, as a result it's a little more painful to inject. Not terrible though.

I take both Menopur and Puregon in the morning when I wake up and I'm still taking Lupron in the evenings, but my dosage has decreased. I am also taking a little orange pill called Vibramycin twice a day. All these new drugs make me feel a little off for a while after, but by mid-day I feel okay again. At least that's how it's been for these past two days, we'll see how it goes.

I'm really looking forward to going to Toronto. It's less than a week now. I'm excited to see my friends and my boyfriend, and meet the people who are going to try to make a baby with my eggs. I think I'll be really disappointed if it doesn't work. I felt pretty unconcerned about the outcome when I first started the whole process, but I feel differently now. I want there to be a baby or two.

Here's a story in the Walrus about egg donation in Canada:
http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2010.04-health-the-human-egg-trade/1/

Not noted in this piece -- at least not overtly -- is that no one seemed to have a problem with men getting paid for donating sperm. It really only became a question once the technology that allowed women to donate eggs was developed. The doctor mentioned at the end is the same doctor I'm seeing.

This is the box they gave me to transport all my drugs and needles in when flying between Toronto and Edmonton.

This is the woman who I had the counseling session with.

http://www.informedfertility.org/Site/Welcome.html

Puregon & Menopur & Vibramycin. Oh my.

I've started injecting the Lupron (this is day five). I inject it into my stomach everyday between seven and nine pm. It doesn't feel like much, although the next day that area is a little tender. Sometimes the area where I've taken the shot gets a little itchy right after. I haven't noticed it having much of an effect on my emotional well being. I guess I am a little more randy than usual. I go to get blood work (and a hair cut!) on the 11th. Then a few days later my Lupron dose is adjusted depending on what my blood work tells the doctor, and I also start taking two other injections and a pill: Puregon & Menopur & Vibramycin.


I had the phone consultation with the social worker last week. I really like her. We talked about a lot of stuff. She said I seem like a curious person and that if I'm interested I should ask them to give me less drugs so that I can be more 'present' during the retrieval, and to have them tilt the ultra sound screen so I can see it. She asked if I had a friend in Toronto who could look after me post procedure. I told her my boyfriend is in Toronto. I haven't really wanted to share this information with the fertility clinic. I was thinking about why that was after our conversation and I think it's because a lot of my medical experiences to date have been sort of patronizing on some level. No one at the clinic has given me any reason to think that they would patronize me, but I still felt like if I told them that the guy I was in a long distance relationship with was living in Toronto that I'd get a lecture about 'being careful' since I'm going to be super fertile the week before the retrieval, which is also when I'll be in Toronto. When I told the social worker about Matthew all she said was that he could be in the room with me during the retrieval if I wanted.


And my last piece of big news right now is that it looks like I'll be meeting the people that I'm donating my eggs to when I'm in Toronto. GAME CHANGE.

Spicy

I got some legal documents -- drafted by the recipients and a lawyer, I believe -- via email this morning. I've asked that a clause go in that says something about me being notified if a child (or children) is (are) actually born. It's all so official, but also very mysterious. For example all I know are the recipient and the recipients spouse's initials. Little tidbits of information like that make me want to know EVERYTHING. Now I know that they don't have the same last name. That's all I really need to start my extremely intricate and detailed fantasy about who they are.

Today is my last birth control pill and tomorrow I start taking Lupron. The nurses just sent me an email (they send me reminders every time I have to start or stop taking something). They told me I have to take the Lupron between seven and nine pm. That means the first time I take it (read: inject it) I'll be at work.

I'm sort of (over) preparing myself to be an emotional mess. I think the hormones are going to fuck with me. I also think if I assume the worst It won't seem so bad. My friend Simon told me I should just tell people I am pregnant so that they'll cut me some slack and be nice to me. I pointed out that they would also judge me if they saw me drinking after I told them I was pregnant. I hope I don't write embarrassing rants and post them on this blog, that's all.

Today I'll be talking to the social worker who works for the fertility clinic. I'm feeling a little apprehensive. Mostly I'm feeling boring. I wonder if they would put that in their psych analysis: "very boring." I also wonder if that would effect the recipients desire for my eggs. I guess it all depends on if they think boring is genetic.

DRUGS.

I start injecting myself with Lupron in three days. That's really soon! The day before that (Thursday) I have an 'interview' with a social worker who works for the fertility clinic. I think it's to make sure that I'm stable (whatever that means) and won't freak out post egg donation. The interview will take an hour.

I'm not really looking forward to injecting myself with drugs. I guess I hadn't really been thinking about it, but now that I am thinking about it I keep imagining breaking a needle off in my belly.