I’ve decided I’d like to keep updating this blog. The city is a different kind of wilderness, or something.

I’m figuring things out slowly. Or it feels slow, but I’ve only been here a little over a month now and I should probably cut myself some slack. I’ve made some friends, and I’ve been going out a lot. Spending all my tip money on booze probably isn’t the greatest, but it’s fun. Meeting new people is exhilarating and disappointing.

I had a couple bad weeks where I felt really directionless. I’ve been trying to develop a more solid routine in some areas of my life. Mostly I’m just trying to go to the gym every morning. Jess, a new friend from work, has asked me to give her wake up calls. I call her around quarter to six when I’m heading to the gym and say “hey, I’m going to the gym” this apparently helps her get her ass out of bed. I imagine this is because she has a competitive streak and the idea that I’m up doing something while she is sleeping gives her the motivation to also get out of bed. This morning she hung up on me though. I think calling her also helps me get my ass out of bed. Probably because it makes me accountable to someone other than myself. I’m sure Oprah did a show all about that.

I still feel lost, a little bit, or a lot, depending on the day. Mostly it has to do with jobs. I’m not really sure what I want to do. I’ve been applying for entry-level receptionist type positions in organizations I think I would like to work for. I don’t want to be a receptionist. And on top of that none of the organizations seem to want me either. I haven’t gotten a single phone call. It’s time consuming writing cover letters. I feel like I’m producing all these cover letters and CVs and throwing them into an abyss. The whole process makes me cringe, trying to make myself sound super awesome on paper feels so gross.

I’m currently working on a job application for the UofT Center for Women and Trans People. The position title is “Coordinator, Volunteers and Communications.” I really really want this job. A lot. I’ve been working on my cover letter and one page response to the question "You have been given a large grant to start up a university-based centre for women and trans people. What essential elements (programming, space usage, policies, etc.) do you think are necessary to include in your Centre?" I’m not bad at talking about anti-oppression and issues around gender and sexuality. But since I sort of get this stuff I also know that my white & straight status might be an issue, and rightly so I guess. But maybe that’s why I’d be good at this job. I’d recognize that I couldn’t run around making unilateral decisions, I’d really want to work within the consensus framework, I’d really want and need to get people of colour, trans people, gay people involved in idea and decision processes. I really want this job. This whole process of looking for ‘meaningful’ work has made me feel powerless. And now I have to go put eight hours in at the pub with a girl who wears way to much perfume and a guy who spends half the shift being hilarious and half the shift being a total dick.