sigh

This is how I Review Movies.

I went to see the movie Thor the other evening. The worst part of 3D movies is how the 3D glasses slip off my sweaty face. And how they fog up, because I'm so sweaty. Missing the previews is pretty lame too. I was running late and had to hustle to get to the theater on time, which is why I was sweaty. I didn't actually have to hustle that hard, I just sweat easily; and I actually missed the previews because I really wanted popcorn.

I think Thor is a good movie to go see by yourself, because it's pretty bad. If you're by yourself you don't have to worry if the person you're with is having a good time or not. You just sit there, enjoy the campy bullshit, eat your popcorn, and drink your diet coke. The bad part is there's no one to make fun of the movie with afterwords. You win some you loose some I suppose.

The Future.

Well, I've moved to Toronto. And since that's scary it means everything that happens to me, or around me, is a sign.

I just set up a blog for my cocktail catering business (it's not really up and running yet, I'll let you know. blah blah blah) and the security word I had to spell to prove I'm a real human being was 'flunk.' Not making me feel all that optimistic. Obviously this means I am going to fail. Obviously. At least I know it's pointless to try now. Thanks for the heads up computer overlords.

Everything's going to end up like The Road anyway, right? The more stuff I enjoy the more dusty coke cans I won't want to drink from in the future? Or something. Life is hard! (but not as hard as life in The Road. Snap out of it bryn!).

Yep. I get it. Thanks MR.

As a fairly small child I made up stories with and about my gummy bear snacks. The thing was I really wanted to eat them, so the gummy bear's stories were always tragic. Usually these stories involved exploring caves.

Take it.

A recent thread on a friend's facebook wall has got me upset. It starts off innocently enough with a new fb friend posting on his wall, thanking him for playing a fundraiser. He responds asking after a youtube video she had told him made her cry with laughter. She posts a link to the video.

Let me describe it for you. It's a community hall looking wedding, people are dancing, the DJ is on stage half-heartedly slurring stuff into the mike. He lethargically wanders stage right where a young woman is standing, without missing a beat he walks up to the woman and slaps her breasts back and forth to the music. The scene is played back again in slow motion but this time with different music that syncs up to the slowed down version of the hitting of the girls breasts. You know, in case we didn't get it.

I was horrified watching this video. I'm still horrified. In no way did I find the video even close to funny. The fact that someone laughed so hard they cried blows my mind. My friend posted a response saying he didn't find it funny, he found it sad and indicative of a society that finds it acceptable for men to work their frustrations out on women. The girl who posted the video responded: "c'mon, boob drums are pretty funny. And really - it's sad for the woman, but she just stands there and takes it - she doesn't do anything about it."

This response makes no sense to me, and at the same time confirms so much of what I already know.

The person who posted this video on my friends wall seems to be saying that the girl who is being assaulted is making the choice to let it happen. Why don't we look at the choices the DJ is making instead? From where I stand he's the one making bad - like criminal - choices. I'd also like to question the choices of the person who posted that video on youtube.

And if we do want to question why the woman doesn't appear to react, maybe we should wonder if she is in shock. Perhaps it seems so completely unbelievable that someone would walk up to her, in front of a room full of people, and just take a bunch of swats at her chest. Maybe she needs a minute to figure out if she is actually awake and if this is a fucking nightmare or not. Maybe right after the video ends she pushes him away. Maybe (since she's standing on stage with him) she's his employee and she's afraid to lose her job. Maybe she's been conditioned to think that this sort of thing is okay. I don't know, youtube doesn't provide context. It's worth noting (although it shouldn't be) that none of these 'maybes' make what that DJ did okay. I'm less concerned about all the possible reasons she appears not to react and more concerned about why this creep felt comfortable assaulting her like that. And he felt comfortable, he did it in front of a room full of people.

I was trying to figure out why this back and forth on my friend's wall enraged me so. Not that I don't think it's worth being enraged about. It totally is. But usually I'm pretty good at weathering other people's ignorance or awfulness with mild discomfort or a little condescending pity. I know this person to the extent that we have the one facebook friend in common. Her awful views on what constitutes humor shouldn't bother me so much. I should shake my head, give my friend a high five for calling her on some bullshit and move on with my life. But this exchange really got under my skin. Something inside me is not letting go. I've been reflecting on the feeling a bit and I've realized that for me it feels closely related to the experience I had earlier this year when a man masturbated outside my window while filming me. The next day I told some people at work what had happened and some people automatically started making jokes about it. It's not that I don't get why people deal with uncomfortable situation by making jokes, but just 'cause I get it doesn't excuse it.

I think the idea of this video being perceived as funny triggered me because it reminded me of feeling extremely vulnerable and scared and angry and shameful and exhausted. And then on top of all these emotions, on top of dealing with a very traumatizing event, I also had to hear people I care about make lazy one liner quips about it.

This is a video of a girl being assaulted. A very specific and personal incident of assault is being treated like a joke. Not only that but when confronted with the possibility of this not funny thing actually not being funny the person's defense was that the girl "just stands there and takes it." How the hell does that make it funny? You had better be doing some serious bottling of some serious shit to pull off that fucked up logic. How do you justify focusing all attention on the woman and none of it onto the DJ and his actions. This weird (read: completely fucked) way of viewing the dynamics of this video highlights a very upsetting trend in our society to make it seem as if the victim (and it seems to me especially if the victim is a woman) was complicit (she was wearing skinny jeans) in their own assault.

It also brings up another issue I've been thinking about lately, which is the way people seem to ignore or rationalize away actions that are not okay in their day to day lives. The person who found this video funny probably wouldn't have also posted a video of a woman being raped, telling everyone she laughed so hard she cried. There's something about this assault that makes it not assault to some people, and I'm not sure what it is. Or maybe I'm giving her too much credit, for some people there clearly is no line.

I think we can talk about assault and rape and sexism and racism and all sorts of bigotry and violence in an informed way; and a lot of the time I think talking about these things effectively can and does involve humor. All of my favourite comedians are able to address issues of sexism, racism, homophobia, fat-phobia, etcetera with humor. The awful things people say and do to each other really are absurd; an intelligent person can draw out the absurdity and make us laugh at it. But laughing at a bit by Louis CK is different than laughing at a specific and personal instance of violence.

Music during yoga class is the worst.

I used to think maybe music during yoga class is only the worst when the music is horrible. You know the music with 'exotic' instruments and a Sarah McLaughlin impersonator singing about the earth being the mother of us all, and returning to it, and om. The worst. Last night I went to a yoga class and the instructor was playing music I know, and some that I like. Turns out that's worse. At least I want to block out the crappy music, it actually helps me be more aware of my breathing and my body because it's beneficial for me not to hear terrible music. But when it's music I like or at least know the words to it's way more distracting. Don't play Fast Car by Tracy Chapman and then talk all the way through it. Shut-up yoga instructor I'm having a nostalgic moment here. And don't play fucking Dave Matthew's Band during savasana, that shit reminds me of high school and how much my friend Claire and her boyfriend liked that band, you brought me back to high school yoga. What the hell?

Can we just agree that listening to music during yoga is stupid? Can someone really give me a good reason for it? It's not like they play it loud enough that it drowns out fart noises or something.

I'm tempted to get yoga-teacher certified so that I can teach classes and play nothing but gangster rap. You know, just to make a point.